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How do I handle visitation with sons Dad (5 posts)

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pixxi1968
New Member Registered	I am 1 36 year old mother of a 12 year old my sons father wanted my son full time I talked to him about transisioning our son on a slow pace his father has only seen our son every second weeked for 9 years and has not always been consistant he says he wants our son full time or no time he has not seen our son in 7 weeks how do I handle this I have full custody my son is crying every night . His father stoped all together taking son to hockey as well its like he droped off face off the earth .... Help
quote / posted 25 January 2005 6:21 PM
friend1948
New Member Registered	It sounds like you biggest need is to handle your son's feelings about being rejected by his father. There is no way you are going to give the father full-time custody, and it is the father's decision to take an all or nothing position. What does he expect, duh. It is the father's decision to use the son as a hostage. You need to be tough. This will be a long-term problem that will get better and get worse from time-to-time. Hang in there. BTW, are you being a good mom? Staying away from undesirable behaviours? I hope you are not giving the father any reason to press for custody.
quote / posted 26 January 2005 10:13 AM
karne
New Member Registered	The father of my daughter who was 12 when we moved to Ottawa years ago was so mad at me for moving (a whole hour away from our hometown) that he stopped calling and visiting. My daughter was so upset. It took a lot of reassuring to convince her that it wasn't her fault and that "daddy" just had his priorities scrambled at the moment and certainly it wouldn't last. One thing I had her do when she was really angry was have her write letters to him without any intention of sending them. When she was angry she would write it down and it seemed to make her feel better. Boy if he ever had of read those! It was 6 months before I got through to him. What worked in the end was me telling him that my daughter had already given up on him. I told him to move on and not to bother calling at this point since she was finally getting over his disappearance. It wasn't a lie. She stopped asking and would just shrug her shoulders and say that it was his loss if I brought it up to talk. He wasn't expecting that she would give up on him though and it really got to him. Although she will never have the same appretiation for him she has been able to put on a brave face. It's so sad that he didn't know how much of an affect he would have on her life by doing that. Her expectations of him are low now and I think it may be a good thing just in case he disappoints her again. He really did blow it in the long run and he know it now. Today she is 16 and I have to force her to call him just to say hi. They e-mail now and then but he rarely calls. They see each other every few months for a week-end but that's it and she doesn't even really want to go. She has lost all respect for him. His ignorance and his loss. You should make sure to keep your guy busy with lots of fun things to keep him from getting down. Remind him daily how important he is to you to keep his self-confindance up. Hopefully his Dad will grow up and realize that there are more important things in life than his own feelings. Good luck to you.
quote / posted 26 January 2005 2:01 PM
karne
New Member Registered	Also, not a court in the world would grant him full time custody after a stunt like this! He blew it in more ways than one.
quote / posted 26 January 2005 2:06 PM
momaof3
New Member Registered	well I have gone throuhg this before and yes now the courts will make him ease back into a relationship with his son so he did mess up big time. Although that dose not help with you son's feelings my suggestion would be to support him and help him get through it for boys it's the male figure taking them to sports activities and stuff if you have an uncle grandfather or other male in this boys life who can help you with this it may help if not I would suggest looking in to the program big brothers it has helped alot of boys I know. good luck and stay strong.
quote / posted 26 January 2005 2:39 PM

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