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family maintenance (112 posts)

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tlcreu
New Member Registered	is there any one that knows how to change the current laws governing family maintenance enforcement program is there a group or attorneys that are trying to change such laws that are unfair or maybe unconstitutional to the rights of men
quote / posted 08 October 2002 9:27 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	There is a book At the Public Library that might give you some ideas as to how to go about getting support in changing the laws. It is called truths and myths about chid support/maintenance. I have been trying to do some research as well. I strongly believe that these laws need to be revisited they are very unfair to fathers. My husband unfortunately has a child as a result of an affair. we have just found out that this child is in fact his. we have two of our own children one born before the affair and one born after. We have not paid any child support as of yet, since it was just discovered that this child is his. My husband wants no part of this child or this woman but it is being forced upon us. I have not been working and we hardly have enough for our own family but now she wants 300+ dollars a month for support and 200 for full time day care! She doesn't even work or go to school!! I find this atrocious we are getting some help from legal aid (if it can be called that) Our lawyer told us that we can try to make an unduehardship claim but it might not work since my husband makes about 26000 a year. It doesn't matter that he is the sole provider for our family.we cannot get subsidies or welfare either. she on the other hand lives in subsidized co-op housing works under 35 hours a month and is on welfare. I will help you find any sort of research I can Good Luck ------------------ [This post edited by stressedmess on 27 March 2003 ]
quote / posted 27 March 2003 2:35 PM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	If you don't want to pay sign over your rights......Who cares how the child came about its your responsibility to take care of it....If you don't want to pay sign over your rights
quote / posted 10 April 2003 3:00 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	Signing over your rights to the child does not mean you will not have to pay
quote / posted 16 April 2003 10:20 AM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	If You sign over your Parental rights on the grounds you want NOTHING to do with the child....you don't pay. Believe me I only wish I could get my childs father to give up his rights...hes nothing but a dead beat anyway. You could always change your name, move far away, say its not yours...you know. Look into it. If you do sign your rights over you may not see your child untill the child is old enough to come to you.
quote / posted 22 April 2003 3:57 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	Really? that is interesting, in all the research I have done I assumed that , that was not possible. Even our lawyer had not suggested it, please let me know where this info. is available
quote / posted 28 April 2003 10:19 AM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	I was told this by a lady who was helping me with my case. I wanted a sure way to keep that deadbeat away from my children and that is what she told me to ask the courts for. Please don't forget though that you may never see your kids again. Is the little bit of money worth not seeing your kids ever?
quote / posted 29 April 2003 8:20 AM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	Our Lawyer told us that even if he signs over his rights he still has to pay regardless. This is why I am confused as to the info you have given me.
quote / posted 29 April 2003 3:15 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	My Husband as I have said, wants nothing to do with this child, unfortunately what this woman is asking for does seem significant to me since we have two children to raise on his one income. we hardly make the bills every month and that is we are only paying rent, car, insurance and utilities. Sometimes we don't have enough for formula and diapers. this is without giving her anything.
quote / posted 29 April 2003 3:18 PM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	I wish I could Give you more advise but I can't Its is truley hard for all. If you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to ask cause i have been through it all and still go through it. If i can help I will.
quote / posted 16 May 2003 11:54 AM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	Thank you I know that there are a lot of fathers out there who are not acting responsibly I think that things should be different though for men who were in a marriage or committed relationship that children resulted from. In many cases as like ours, men are treated unfairly. the women do in the end have the free choice as to if they want a child or not, because ultimately this is our decision. Men could find out much later that they are fathers, like my husband, Yes they should be responsible but they should also have some choices too. THe fact that my husband is the father of this child does hurt our family and our relationship more than it was already. I know a lot of these feelings come from my anger and disappointment, and I try to see things from this other persons perspective, because I too am a mother. It's just so hard sometimes
quote / posted 27 May 2003 1:52 PM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	Ture Ture Men who deserve to be treated fairly don't and the ones who don't deserve anything get it all.
quote / posted 30 May 2003 11:17 AM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	Hi StuartsAngel, I am really glad that you have responded. I guess I need to see what peoples opinions are, especially if they are looking at a similar situation, regardless that we are affected somewhat differently. I feel that your responses have helped me to see things a little more openly. I still have difficulty with knowing that I will have to deal with this person throughout my life, (even though I still wish she would disappear),this is difficult knowing because she wants to be with my husband. and as I have said seems that she will stop at nothing to accomplish this. We are still trying to make arrangements through lawyers for child maintenance but of course the question of visitation still remains. I should mention that she nor her lawyer have stated that visitation will be included. I know my husband doesn't want any visitaion rights, but I think that this is strange that it hasn't been mentioned since she was all gung ho about wanting her child to have a family. Do you by chance know if it is regulatory to include something about visitaion during a maintenance dispute? take care
quote / posted 16 June 2003 4:06 PM
NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 19 June 2003 1:16 PM
Andria
New Member Registered	Dear Stressedmess., well first and foremost I have found the other forum.. Secondly I have a question for you., unfortunately one you may not like. This question is this. If your husband was/is capable of cheating, and if that same man is capable of walking away from his own child, "signing over his rights" as you put it., as a woman would you not be concerned that one day he will find yet another woman and leave you and your children and want to just "sign over his rights" yet again? I know its a harsh question, but one I feel is worth examining. You can say he will never leave you, you can say your relationship is stronger than that.. but all of it is nulified by his already proven actions. Obviously your marriage is NOT stronger than that or he would not have had an affair.. I don't feel that you are an evil witch as someone else said.. but I do feel that you have had heaps of emotionally charged things thrown at you in the most recent past and maybe this is why you would, as a mother with children, agree to let your husband shirk his responsibilities to the only innocent one in this whole mess... his child.. I mean, what does it say to your children, as parents what do you think you are teaching your children when you state that you can just "sign your rights over" or that your husband "wants nothing to do with that child". I think you need to do some soul searching and decided if this is the message you want to teach your children., that its okay to walk away from your own responsibility.. that its okay to leave "family" and yes this child is their family, and never look back., and of course that its okay for your husband to disrespect you and cheat on you. these are the things you are teaching your child. If not by what you say, then clearly by your actions. And yet again., It is the children that suffer. Stressedmess, I truly hope you that you give time and thought to the questions that have been posed to you.. I wish you all the best. but mostly I wish all the best to all of the children involved in this very adult mess.
quote / posted 25 July 2003 12:47 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	I by no means think that I am not immune to this ever happening again, in fact you're right I , if anything am more succeptable to it. I have had to do lots of soulsearching in order to get to where I am today, in my relationship with my husband. I never said that I agree with his decisions, and I in fact reassure him that I will support him if he does want a relationship with this child. Yes, I do still have a lot of anger and resentment, what normal human being wouldn't? I know the child is innocent and don't blame him for anything, but I don't think very highly of his mother, and it's not just because of the fact that she was the other woman. it is because of her behaviour. She went into a relationship knowing full well that my husband had a family she accepted that she would never be the only one in his life. She had no problem in making herself his scapegoat. (and believe me I don't just blame her) Unfortunately she continues to constantly look for opportunities to harass my family, not just my kids, and husband, but also my parents and in-laws. SHe constanly goes to his work to look for him, not to even ask for money or anything related to her child, but just in case he wants to go out with her. I don't think that I have to accept and like this behaviour, I asked her once if she had any pridein herself, she answered," no, I guess I don't", What can you say to that?! I know what it is like for single moms too, the first year of my first sons life I never lived with my husband in fact we got married when our son was a year old, I went to school, & held a job, I also have incredibly supportive parents and friends. I felt and still feel that not him but I was fully responsible for my child only because I knew it was my decision to have this child and I was not going to depend on anyone else to help me raise him especially if it was going to be forced upon them. I was lucky in the sense that he was a devoted father to my son maybe not to me but at least he never rejected his son. I think this came from his admiration of my self strength. I know its's not easy to be on your own with a child or children, but I don't think that it should be a reason to behave the way she does. In order for us to be able to pay her child support, we have had to move from a three bedroom rented condo to the 1 bedroom basement of my parents house and we pay rent there too. she on the other hand lives alone in a three bedroom housing co-op home with subsidy. I have to work a full time job and get no subsidized child care, she works less than 40hrs a month yet gets full time subsidized child care. She goes out every weekend to the clubs, I get to go out without my kids maybe on my birthday. Can you say that this is fair? I know that not all single moms are like her, but if anyone asks me to sympathize for her I won't, never for her, but yes for that child. you are right the children do suffer, I constanly wonder how we will tell our kids when they can understand a little better. He knows now that his deception was not only felt by me but that it will affect our children too. I read these entries and you can feel the hatred in some of them, we don't all know how or what happened in the others situation to get them there we don't know what circumstances they must face everyday, all I know is what situation I am living and how it affects me.
quote / posted 31 July 2003 5:03 PM
stressedmess
New Member Registered	to NewUser who thinks I am an evil witch, for your information it was the mother of the child who wanted him to initially look into signing over his rights this is before we even knew the results of the paternity test, which by the way had to be done since she had slept with his brother and s few others around the time she got pregnant. and yes I think it's disgusting of a woman to sleep with brothers, and for brothers to sleep with the same woman. And by the way, I hope that you are not always so bitter.
quote / posted 31 July 2003 5:16 PM
NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 11 August 2003 3:33 PM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	Stressedmess.....Hey are you hanging in there i just read some of this stuff....I really don't think people have a clue unless they have gone through it. To you NEWUSER the only burdon on society is people like you who have no clue
quote / posted 13 August 2003 3:28 PM
NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 05 September 2003 9:59 AM

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