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family maintenance enforcement (46 posts)

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NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 16 September 2003 12:10 PM
DivorceSupport
New Member Registered	Maintenance enforcement programs across Canada simply do not work: here's why... It's a government regulated bureaucracy - it is regulated by legislation and cannot respond to the day to day realities of divorced parents. Statistically speaking, there has never been a problem of deadbeat parents in Canada. Fewer than 3% of payors are purposefully NOT paying. The classic problem with the MEP is quite simple really. If the payor has lost their job, is buried in debt or the factory closes, they cannot pay support. The only way to get the MEP to leave you alone is to go back to court and vary the child support order under the UNDUE HARDSHIP provisions in the child support legislation. In order to do that you need $$$ for a lawyer, $$$ for a court application, $$$ for admin costs associated with going to court, soooooooo, if you can't pay support you sure as heck can't afford the court costs associated with changing a child support award and getting MEP off your backs. As a family mediator and one who works with divorced people every day, I can honestly tell you that in my professional opinion, the best thing to do is to create a SHARED PARENTING PLAN with your former spouse where the children will have balanced time between both homes and child care costs are absorbed by each parent during periods when they are parenting the children. I know this may not be feasible in every case, but if you can look at the overall benefits to the children and the fact that it is one realistic way of getting out of the single mom trap, you can see that it creates a win/win for everyone. Unfortunately in my experience, custodial parents are VERY reluctant to share parenting because: a) you lose day to day control b) you have to raise a kid with someone you basically don't like c) you would lose that monthly child support payment and section 7 add-ons d) most custodial parents simply don't want to share parenting Check out my website to learn more about dealing with post divorce issues. I operate Calgary Divorce Management Services. http://geocities.com/divorcemanagement
quote / posted 17 September 2003 6:50 AM
sunalta
Active Member Registered	It were the worst time 0 my life & I became destitute too...!! I then went to Legal Aid & got my payment's down to $50/ mo. Over the years I paid it all off plus plenty more. I wasn't allowed much access but commenced payment's when I gained 'minimal access. The Son grew & moved in wit me, He then screwed me for 3 mo's rent & lotsa cash. It's easier the second time!!
quote / posted 25 September 2003 1:18 AM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	Hey Divorce person..........walk a mile in my shoes and you'll see how well "SHAREDPARENTING" really works........You so called mediator....you have no clue about what some of us go through and You know college degrees and books don't teach you what really happens....they teach you the easiest way to sweep it under the carpets so that the courts are not full. Now a days no one has time to take in all the facts, get it over with is the way is all goes today. I went to court sat in frount of a judge .......went to court again 2 weeks later sat in frount of the same judge and he didn't have a clue i was there 2 weeks ago he didn't remember what was said....Now this is our nice court system....AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.....it used to say...now it says .....I AM BUSY, I DON"T CARE.........NEXT CASE PLEASE
quote / posted 26 September 2003 10:44 PM
Andria
New Member Registered	Okay, so this may not be the most popular posting but I have to voice my opinion... just cause thats what I like to do. And please do tell if you feel your opinion is contrary to mine, because after all, we are all of our own minds.. at least I hope so.. My statement is this. DivorceSupport, I think that your postings would be better suited in Advertisements than in this/these forums. I understand what you are stating but to me it sounds more like you are trying to sell an idea, to drum up business. I know we have voiced opinions before but everytime I read what you have to say to people it sounds more and more like your trying to get some business for your business, I dont think that was the intention of the forums. I mean, you quote statistics and you state that statistically there has never been a problem with Dead Beat Parents., but I am sure to the 3% or so of parents out there not getting any payments from their former spouses it is a big deal. It is a PROBLEM. The fact that you continually try to push an Idealism on people is annoying since you have no basis in reality when it comes to their indivual situations. As I said before I think you should take out an add in the Classifieds under the heading... "Services for Sale" ....
quote / posted 08 October 2003 1:03 PM
Denise74
New Member Registered	my advise is for the lawyer.... If you are a lawyer, as you claim to be, I suggest you take people's advise and zip it. For the advise you give, whether paid or free, as you already know can land yourself in court. As a lawyer giving free advise, if anyone was to follow that advise, they can sue you for negligence and damages. Considering you have left your website on your boards, it would not be very hard to find out who you are. So my suggestion to you is, be more careful with what you say... so that you don't piss people off. -D
quote / posted 08 October 2003 9:30 PM
StuartsAngel
Active Member Registered	Well I guess that did it miss know it all DIVORCE person shut her face.....thanks for your help in getting my point across......who the hell is she anyways......I know she's happily married with 2.5 kids a dog. Thats my point though don't go shoting your damn mouth off about a degree. Ok yeh she has a degree so what, that just says she know what the books taught her not what real life is like....Man people like her really get under my skin.....Again thank to all that backed me on this.
quote / posted 01 December 2003 8:00 PM
pacamo
New Member Registered	some of you guys are really funny. You have a court order to pay this money and you don't, then you are upset when your lisence gets taken away. You deserve what you get, your ex is not upset, because she probably was not getting payments in the first place. If you make your payments, not problems. And yes the system does suck, if a judge asks me to go to court to testify and I don't show up I get fined or jail time. If you don't make your payments after a court order your ex has to spend years and tons of headaches trying to find your dumb ass... And just so you know this is a male writing this to you...
quote / posted 12 January 2004 8:06 PM
dakeen
New Member Registered	MEP is nothing but a joke. I had been paying faithfully every month until I lost my job because of an accident.Spent time off work and now the clowns cancel my license on me. Why ?I spent 8 months recooperating from injuries and couldn't make payments. MEP is a good idea,but a little too power hungry and have a god complex.
quote / posted 04 February 2004 12:09 PM
hardworkingmom
New Member Registered	There is always 2 sides to a coin, but the coin can be flipped! I have read most postings and started to get angry and decided to post a message. I am a single mother of 2. I have been raising them for 5 1/2 yrs on my own. We "fled" an abusive home. We left EVERYTHING behind (furniture, clothing, dishes, pictures) EVERYTHING! My Childrens Father is a controller, manipulator, and a liar! I have re-educated myself to support my family. I have reciently purchased a home, WITHOUT the help my kids father. I have not excluded him from their lives and have always allowed "reasonalbe access" Because he lives in another province the MEP program in Alberta corresponds with the Family Maintenance Program in Ontario. There is always paperwork missing. It has taken MEP almost 5 years to get him to a default hearing, he hired a lawyer. (Go figure, money going to a lawyer and not his kids!) to fight his back pay. He earns twice the money than I do and hides it because he is a "subcontractor". I would like to speak for all the single mothers who have worked hard to keep their family going! Hats off to us! It takes alot of money, patience and faith to raise a family. If only Fathers could see that giving money to ttheir kids primary provider is giving to their children! My opinion is that MEP could do more on the investigative side! I can only hope that he sends money to fix my brakes on my vehichle to get me to work. I am putting the food, roof, clothing, and any extras on the table for my kids.
quote / posted 27 February 2004 6:12 PM
sinelga
New Member Registered	I nearly trew up reading all those whinings. They are nothing more or less than classic, typical "abusive male" statements. When it comes to you guys running away from any kind of responsibility, the abusive notions are not different in any country ("spread her legs", "bitch wants my money", "poor me, poor me poor me"). How dare you to mean that for your misarable $100 or less or nothing at all women must be agree to give up on her career, her precious - the only - life??? - so she can do the job for you, being a mother and the father, namely YOU!. In this regard you are nothing but a "hit and run" individual running away from the scene of crime, leaving your child and the mother alone, pick up pieces of their shatterred lives and- yet - instead of saying "THANK YOU for making such a great job for being all-sacrificing mother and for doing my father's job too " you try to strike them with insults and victimize even more. YOu the type that will pick a milk bottle from your baby mouth - to stick in your own. Disqusting! THE BOTTOM LINE IS: If you are not available for your child physically, emotionally, and otherwise - YOU MUST COMPENSATE FINANCIALLY. If you are a MAN and not a coward with a dick between his leg (speaking about spreading your legs, or better yet:your IRRESPONSIBLE sprem). I am not a man-hater, I love men, there many decent ones out there, who are excellent fathers whether divorced or not, could put their signatures under what I am saying. So you TLCREU specifically - Suck it up.
quote / posted 12 March 2004 3:30 PM
immaculateconception
New Member Registered	All this name calling started with some poor guy wanting to know how to get his license back. Probably so he can pay MEP. None of this is about marriage, divorce, or deadbeat daddies in all cases. My case is similar to some of the other whinings I've read, but basically the problem with MEP is: They cut your throat for lack of eating. (regardless of why) I owe very little to MEP. If fact $2338 in total is everything. I don't pay support, because I don't have to. I help raise my children although we've never been married, nor really care for each other in any way other than what's best for the kid. She decided herself to stop the child support payments, because it was in "the best interest of the child" to have a daddy with the ability to work, and do what he can rather than cut his throat and have the child watch him bleed. Obviously the power the MEP has worked, but there is no support for us guys who want to pay, but can't, because of the license restrictions. What will you bitchers say to your sons or daughters if they fall to the lower ranks, and can't get out, because there wasn't a provision in the law to protect them once they reached parenthood, lost their license from hardship, and could find no way to get it back? Lets stop kicking when people are down and find progressive ways to fix the real issues What the guy was asking for is help to get it back SO HE CAN WORK! Anyone with an actual answer? If you can't pay for your license you shouldn't have it right? Well then if you can't pay for your child, then you shouldn't have it either. Especially those complaining about not being able to afford medicine. By the way tlcreu what I did was take out a student loan and become something that didn't require a drivers license. Sigh ned Journeyless Plumber / Journeyless Gasfitter BSC, Computer Information Systems
quote / posted 24 May 2004 5:02 PM
NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 26 May 2004 8:59 AM
Aura
Active Member Registered	I guess as the usual saying goes: never talk about religion or politics in public, it is rude conversation. I believe this falls somewhere along these lines. After many bottom lines I need to give mine. . . Just as there are many dead-beat dad's or evil dads...there is the same for the other half. Females are NOT saints. We live in this such world where nothing is perfect, and life is not a fairy tale. With all the respect that each individual that has posted something on this forum deserves and many others that have not, this is too much of a touchy subject. And maybe we need to psot things (including myself) in a very neutral, non-emotional perspective. If you read my psoting from last year I became extremely emotioanl, but so has everyone else. Many people don't believe in Psychlogists, but please believe that not every one of them is out for money and to just pretend to "counsel" and help you....some are genuine. If anyone needs to talk or needs a pen-pal or I should say E-mail pal....then please by all means, please E-mail me at: fabiana_21@hotmail.com As a child of divorce. . .and a firm believer that our system does NOT work, I have come to the conclusion that getting angry and upsetting ourselves only upsets and makes us sick but does not change the system. Maybe we need to petition or do something but it is a problem like any other. How do you put more control on a system without violating human rights....? Like welfare...how many people take advantage....social assistamnce, student loans....MEP...etc the list grows lengthy. The truth of the matter is that as much as we may say "put yourself in their shoes" the reality is that we cannot unless we have been that person and lived their lives we are all different individals and we will see things differently at all times through our own opinions and our own eyes and emotions. No 2 people are alike. The good thing about all of us in this forum is that we at least agree that the system HAS to change.
quote / posted 18 June 2004 4:08 PM
sarcasticwench
New Member Registered	i truly feel for you tlcreu. I mean GAWD how can that EVIL EVIl woman expect you to suffer in order to provide for your child?? I mean its not like you have it easy...not being a full itme parent and all..you don't have the sleepless nights lying awake listening to your child cough or worry about what will happen when the agreed maintenance doesn't show up and the bills are behind. It's not you that has to worry about losing your job b/c your child is sick and you can't take them to the daycare. You have never had a single minute of the kind of worrythat that woman and all single mothers have. So please for the love of God quit whining. I love how all of the men in here like to band together...it is an all boys club i know that...it suck but it is true...as for maintenance enforecement i do agree that they suck a$$. My ex owes me over $13,000. and there is nothing they can do to get him to make oayments...now when he does pay...(a pittance in what it costs to raise a child) they reward him with a 3-for-1 credit towards his arrears just to entice him to pay.... I wonder where my handout is?? I hae worked steady since my son was 6 months old...i have never been on welfare...i have sometimes held down two jobs just to make ends meet and in the end it isn't me who suffers it is my son. I could care less if my ex wanted to see my son...he has never tried and after the first year of my sons life i quit stressing anf hurting myself by trying to make him be responsible. And that is the bottom line...be responsible...if you have unprotected sex and a chold results from it...suck it up buttercup...because any discomfort that you are going to feel ay shellin out a little cash is nothing compared to what that single mother goes through every day of the rest of her life...and if you tink that you can argue that it is her choice and her responsibility think again...htere are two sets of chromosomes running thru that child...don't you think you might be missing something??
quote / posted 05 July 2004 11:28 PM
immaculateconception
New Member Registered	Here's how moronic the MEP system is: I owe them a small amount of money. I tried to arrange a payment schedule with them, and they proceeded with garnishing my wage immediately. My pain doesn't come from the fact I cannot splurge on beer or something else, but from my daughter asking me about every paycheck, whether the government has taken it all again. "Can we go swimming daddy?", she asks, "No sweetheart, we can't, I'm sorry", I say, "Is it because the government took all of your money again daddy?" she asks with a frustrated voice. I never lay awake at night listening to my child cough. Because I am sitting by her side caressing her until she can sleep. If she doesn't sleep, I suck-it-up-buttercup until morning, then go to work all over again for peanuts. If more custodial parents could be as compationate as my ex the world would be better. I would never impose MEP onto my ex for the reason that if you do everything for the best of the child. It is in the best interest of the child to let them see their parent with dignity regardles of the distance of the relationship. Lots of custodial parents are hitting their ex with MEP out of anger more than any other reason. I agree it is a two way street, and if you think your ex is stupid, for what he/she does (has done) you are also stupid. Once again, if you can't afford medicine, or other NECESSITIES of life, you shouldn't have that/them child(ren). If you can not show your child that you have compassion, they are going to grow up just like you. By the way they'll grow up just like your ex also, because a child's disposition is derrived mostly from genetics.
quote / posted 06 July 2004 8:40 PM
sarcasticwench
New Member Registered	i just wonder what immaculateconception is teaching their child/ren. Through all of the trials that i haev had not once have i ever bad mouthed my ex to my child or badmouthed the government or various groups in front of my child. If your child is asking if the government took all of your money again maybe you should try being honest and letting the child know the reason for it. Because without a valid reason it would be called theft. They cannot just take a garnishee for no reason. You have to owe somebody somewhere. As for the comment about not having children if i cannot afford them...myself as well as alot of single mothers i know never planned to do it alone form the get go there sweetheart. If you think for one minute that any woman in her right mind would choose to have to work long hours to provide for her family and then be too tired to enjoy it then you've got another thing coming. I am not one of those women on welfare. Since my son was sixmonths old i haev been unemployed for a grand total of 5 months in which i collected EI in order to pay my bills. When i got pregnant with my son my ex was 'extatic'. And then 2 weeks later POOF like dust in the wind. It took me over three years to track him down (thank God for the internet) and then he denied our son to me. He denied as far as he legally could until they arrested him for non payment of maintenance (a paternity test was never requested thru all he protestations). Last year for the first time in my sons life his Father legally acknowledged his existenace. I am not saying that all afthers who live away from their children do so by choice because i will not lump you all intot he same mold. But please please make the whiny ones stop bitching and complaining about having to provide support to their ex's. It doesn't matter what you say or do you helped to bring a child into this world. the child didn't ask to be born into the situation so be an adult and deal with it. Pay your support on time and regularly so that your child have have a better quality of life. Because believe me coming form experience it is really hard as a single parent to have to stress and wonder if that check is gonna show up on time. I haev taken to not relying on it myself because its arrival is so sporadic. So...when we do get a maintenance check we blow it. My son and I go to the toy store and blow it all. Maybe not what my ex intended the money to go to but...then again it really doesn't matter what he intended it for once he hands it over...it is mine to do with as i wish... anything i use it for is for the betterment of my childs life...even if i use it to pay a babysitter and go out...that is time that a single parent needs...so those men that say they don't pay b/c the money never goes to the kids...it does...no matter what you may think....it always helps....and hey if you don't think that your ex is that trustworthy maybe you shoulda thought of that before youtook it out of your pants.... well wasn't that a mad ramble...can't wait to see the replies to this one ------------------ ~Those who can make you believe absurdities, Can make You Commit Atrocities~Voltaire Childhood is Short, Maturity Lasts Forever ~Calvin [This post edited by sarcasticwench on 19 July 2004 ]
quote / posted 17 July 2004 12:23 AM
immaculateconception
New Member Registered	Odly enough you said it better than I ever could. You are totally correct, no woman "in her right mind" would choose to have to work long hours to provide for her family and then be too tired to enjoy it. I figure that if more people would be a little kinder there would be less "POOF"ing going on in society. By the way I teach them to love, and care for almost everyone, especially the underdog. Maybe that's why they love me so much. By the way I wonder what you are teaching your child by taking the money and "blowing" it all. Well I guess they can always wait for the next check huh? Maybe you should invest it, or bank it. Then you can afford medecine in hard times and your internet won't get shut off to pay for it. My brother has two kids, makes 175,000 a year and his ex-girlfriend got an order for $2000 a month. How crazy is that? It's just obvious that something is wrong with the law there. That's interesting though what you said about theft, because my ex and I talked about the money I owe, and she said that she didn't get a check once I stopped paying. So if what you say is true, then I should be able to sue them. Hey guys, I'll keep you filled in with that, as that'll get this forum hopping won't it? Using the money any way you like is for the betterment of the child, is true, you are correct. Hey what if you even used it to pay off your ex's arrears so he can get his license? Maybe he would be able to unpoof. You likely think, that, "no he'll have to do it all himself". Everyone should do it themself, or atleast expect to do it themselves. That way when your check is late, it won't be so stressful. It's not right for a child to starve, granted. It's not right for anyone to starve. Everyone in the whole world should have a good quality of life. Everyone should have their mom, and their dad. Maintenance Enforcement was made to cure some horrible problems, but from what I see, it's used as punnishment by the custodial parent, and a lot of mother's children are starving because they can't drive. If your child ever gets into this situation, and is failing horribly, will you say to him, "suck it up buttercup"? Just remember that these people having their licenses taken away are someone's children. I believe the real crime is negating the child of your love. I see my non-biological son hurt because he's 12 and never met his real dad. The thing is, his dad isn't running from his son as much as he's running from the mother. I have enough compassion to understand each person in my situation, or atleast try to. Good night, when you wake maybe your check is there. xo
quote / posted 19 July 2004 1:18 AM
NewUser
Animated Member Registered	blank [This post edited by NewUser on 20 April 2005 ]
quote / posted 19 July 2004 2:36 PM
sarcasticwench
New Member Registered	dear immaculateconception I never said that i couldn't afford medicine for my child...I always put my child first. What i am teaching him is that he needn't depend on that check to make ends meet...that his mother works hard enough to support him and that thru hard work you don't always get everything handed to you. That whatever his 'Father" sends for him is not a necessity in our lives. I do not ever want my son to hear from his "father" (when he decides to be one) that he sent all this money and my son to say he never saw it. The whole point of blowing it and buying my son fun things like A game Boy or whatever is so that he will remember that that money did go to him. If i use it to buy groceries or other necessities of life then it is in essence my EX supporting me. I do not recieve child support b/c i am unable to support my child. I recieve it because i was not the only one in that bed when that child was concieved. My ex does not want a relationship with my son at the present...and for that reason i hope they nail his ass to the wall with MEP. I don't want him in my life but unfortunately i was young and stupid once and it will stay with me for the rest of my life as will my ex. Because no matter what way i look at it my son carries a part of him and for that reason i cannot completely hate him. I just wish that he would be a man and a father because that is the one thing i cannot teach my son...to be a man.... Obviously i am lacking the proper equipment to play the game ------------------ ~Those who can make you believe absurdities, Can make You Commit Atrocities~Voltaire Childhood is Short, Maturity Lasts Forever ~Calvin
quote / posted 19 July 2004 10:21 PM

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